It’s kind of awkward when you finally get the hang of something right at the end… I’ve totally figured out my groove. I have mastered my resupply. I have figured out the balance of necessities and luxuries. I even got my pack down to 30lbs when full of 5 days of supplies! It has been upwards of 42lbs before... My organization and packing order are seamless. My gear is perfect for 75 degrees and sunny, or 20 degrees and raining, though I’m not a fan of the latter. I’ve got this shit dialed. And less than 200 miles to go.... maybe I’ll just turn around and go back north?

I must say it is an art to slow down as much as I have. The most common question I am getting lately is, what do you do all day if you’re only going 10 miles? A very valid question. When your only task is to walk in the same direction and you have all the hours in the day to do it, it is honestly a challenge to only go 10 miles. It’s one thing if you’re with a group of friends... but I’m alone for the most part, all day, entertaining myself- a skill that I have been perfecting my entire life, as the youngest of 3. And I’m quite good! I think I’m very funny. I spend most of my time laughing at myself.

I realize this freedom of only having to walk is probably something I will never have again, unless I do another thru-hike, but I’m not planning one at the moment. Not because I haven’t loved this experience, I just have a lot of other things I want to do, too! I’m not a master, that’s just not my style. I’m a person of all the things, not just one. 

So, why am I slowing down? Why am I not ready to finish?

This is a complicated answer but in short, yes, I am tired and pretty bored of walking... but I know I’m gonna miss it as soon as I’m done. The simplicity. The constant exercise. The quiet. The isolation. The way the most simple things can bring so much joy, while the heavier things lose their weight. 

I’ve been going really easy on myself. I’ve been letting myself spend money without guilt (I am super frugal off trail... but that led me to a place of being able to take 6 months off to walk around the woods 🤷🏼‍♀️). I’ve been letting myself do what I feel without a routine or expectation. I’ve been giving myself a break on figuring out what the hell I’m doing with my life, or maybe even letting go of the idea that that is even a thing. I’ve been giving myself the freedom to play and just live in the moment. 

So, I’m a bit afraid. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to hang onto these things as soon as I get back to “normal life”. I’m afraid I’m going to snap right back into the anxieties I had before. That all of this will just become a memory and I’ll fall right back into being a victim of society and its underlying pressures. And even just thinking that, it’s already happening haha. I’m anxious again. I’m fearful again. But! I am catching myself. So, I am dissecting my thoughts and working on getting them in order, and again, letting go of the anxiety and fear, like I did for this adventure. I want to let go again before I am ready to be done.. it’s kind of working. 

So what the hell do I do all day?! 

I sleep in, or rather, I wake up at 6 and lay in my sleeping bag for an hour, or three, drinking coffee, thinking and journaling. I do some sleeping bag yoga- think lots of child’s pose, cobra, and down dog. Then I pack up, which is one of my favorite parts of the day because I get to be super organized. Then I start walking, really really slowly. And I look at the way the light hits the trees, and the way the moss stands out so bright against the stark leafless branches, and I listen to the wind and the crunch of the leaves under my feet. I have been focusing on nasal breathing, meaning only breathing through my nose, all day, unless I need to talk. I have seen crazy improvements in my endurance with this technique. I also am a pro at the snot-rocket. When I come across my first sunny flat spot of the day, I meditate for a bit, usually around 15 minutes, but that depends on how many people are on trail haha. I try and soak in every spot that looks like a nice place to sit down. I remind myself every day of the impermanence of this experience, so that I can appreciate every little sparkle of the trail. When I see a level downed tree, or a bench, or a nice flat mountain top, I take a yoga break. I talk to all the day hikers, answering all their questions, that I now have witty responses to because they are always the same- How long are you out here? By yourself? What do you eat? Aren’t you afraid of X, Y, and Z? Where are your hiking boots? Your husband is letting you do this? The south refuses to believe I can be a single woman doing anything alone. I hike ‘til sunset, take my time setting up camp and getting ‘the honeycomb’ organized. Then I make dinner while going through the pictures I took that day, doing a little editing and deleting. I take a lot of pictures... After dinner I pour my tequila ration and play cards, or listen to an audio book, or watch a documentary that I downloaded, or doodle, or patch holes on my pack. I am usually in bed and asleep by 9. The key has been to move slower and more mindfully, which is something I really want to make sure stays with me after trail.

I am having a hard time understanding the gravity of this accomplishment. It’s become so normal to me at this point, I think I have lost touch with how big of a deal it is. Like so what? I walk a lot. I think that’s why I am enjoying the chit-chat with day hikers, because they remind me how not normal this is haha. Still not sure if that means I should feel accomplished or like a weirdo.... but I think I’ve always been fairly abnormal, so I’m used to feeling like a weirdo.

I have recently come to the conclusion that I am ready to be done, or that I will be by December 1st. Roughly two weeks, which sounds so short in comparison to over 5 months…

The excitement of trying to figure it all out is fading. I really miss working! I’m excited to start new projects. I’m excited to do workouts that aren’t just cardio. I’m excited to cook. I’m excited to have all my art supplies back and creative outlets other than tagging the shelters... I’m excited to spend time with my family! I’m excited to see my friends. But for now, I take in every last bit of this very long walk in the woods.